Nausea. Every night for a week. I hoped I was not getting sick, as the new semester was just beginning and I could not afford to take a sick day yet. Luckily, it only hit me at night, so I was able to push through the week. By the next week, the nausea was gone, and I went on with my life like usual without much thought.
The next week, I got caught up in the world of pregnancy announcements on YouTube. "Telling my husband I'm pregnant," "My family's reaction to my pregnancy," and "My reaction to finding out I'm pregnant" videos filled my week. I have no idea why, or how I even got caught up in them. But I got so into every one and couldn't help but dream about that women in the video being me one day. Would I cry when I find out? I didn't think so, I thought I would just be so excited and happy.
The week after that, I am late for my cycle. Not too weird, right? It's normal to be a few days early or late. The thought of being pregnant crossed my mind as I remembered the nausea, but I thought, no way. As the week progressed and I still had not started my cycle, my thoughts of being pregnant became more frequent. Can it actually be possible?
One night that week, I decide to look up early pregnancy symptoms, just for the heck of it. A few common symptoms listed were missed cycles, headaches, fatigue, and nausea. I acknowledged that I had dealt with all those things recently, but I also realized that those things could just be the cause of a normal sickness. But one article caught me eye. It listed weird early symptoms that are not often talked about. Curiously, I clicked on it to see what kind of weird symptoms would be listed.
Dizziness? Check. Metal taste in the mouth? Check. Nosebleeds? Check (which mind you, I never get nosebleeds). Stuffy nose? Check.
Okay, now it hit me. This could actually be real. What are the odds of me checking every one of these symptoms, down to the weird metal taste in my mouth? So that night, I went out and picked up a pregnancy test, still with a huge doubt in my mind that I was actually pregnant. Instantly upon arriving home, I took the test. Nate and I eagerly waited for the next few minutes to pass as directed by the instructions. I couldn't help thinking about how exciting it would be to actually have a baby, even though it was not in our plans.
The timer went off. Nate and I instantly looked at each other and paused for a minute. Out of Nate's eagerness and me not knowing how to move, Nate looked at the test first. And after ten seconds of him making sure he was reading the test right and me standing by in utter suspense, he said two words.
My first reaction was that he was joking. You see, Nate likes to make jokes and mess around with me, and I thought this was just another joke before he said, "Just kidding!" But after a few seconds of him not admitting his joke, I quickly went over to him and grabbed the pregnancy test. And well, I suppose you know by now that Nate was not, in fact, joking. We were actually pregnant.
As soon as I looked at the positive test, I broke down into tears. So much for not crying, huh? It was as if every emotion just hit me at once, and I couldn't even stand. I was overjoyed that we were expecting, and along with just the shock of it all, my tears continued to flow for quite a while. Even though we did not plan for this, we could not stop the happiness that overtook us in that moment.
I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and am loving every minute of it. Yes, I dealt with morning sickness and all the other symptoms that come with pregnancy, but I am loving this season as I prepare to become a mother. It would be easy to be fearful in this time. Fearful that I will not be a good mother. Fearful that I am not ready to raise a child. But clearly, God knows I am ready. And when God orchestrates something, I can rest in peace. Peace knowing that God's timing is best and He will walk with me through this next stage of life.
Never in my life did I expect to find out I was pregnant at 19 years old. I always assumed my life timeline would go something like this: graduate college with a degree in Elementary Education, begin my teaching career, meet the love of my life and get married, and then have children. Now, if any of you have been following my life journey over the past few years, you would know that is not exactly how my life turned out. I am currently 20 years old, a junior in college pursuing a business degree, married to the love of my life, and expecting my first child. While it is not the life I envisioned growing up, I could not be happier with where I am in life right now. God's plan was quite different than mine. He knows what is best for us far more than we do for ourselves. I have found that this is a key lesson to living life with peace.